Well, my brother has returned home. After two weeks of visiting, he was ready to leave! Ready to return to his own family and start the process of getting his health on track.
I think he got the answers he was looking for while he was here. At least, I hope so.
He also left, upset. Upset about how things have changed, how family can inflict pain and hurt and yet, how some things just never change.
This weekend, he went in to visit our mother before he left town. So, I asked him to take care of our older sister, the one who lived off my mother. The one who is now homeless. She'd moved into the apartment with our uncle, when my mother was placed in the nursing home. My uncle had her removed this weekend and sent to the local women's shelter. The local women's shelter turned her out during the night, said they didn't know how they could help her. She's bi-polar(my guess) and not on medication. She's a danger to herself and could possibly become a danger to others.
I've tried to get her help. She refuses help. These professionals(doctors, police,etc) tell me, that as long as she's "unwilling" to accept it, they can't do anything for her.
This weekend, she was placed in the Psychology ward because she has started to inflict wounds on herself. The people at the Womens' shelter talked with the local Police Dept and told them that they turned her out because she was "talking to people who weren't there" and making threats to harm herself and those at the home. Instead of calling the Police for assistance, they threw her in the street. Instead of alerting authorities, they turned her out onto the public.
She slept under buildings for several nights. She hadn't eaten in several days. The day she called my house, I asked my brother to pick her up, gave him money to get her a hot meal, and take her back to the Women's shelter where she asked to go. That's when we found out what had happened at the Women's shelter several nights before.
How can you help someone, who doesn't want to change their life? How do you make sense of it all? Part of me is angry about how things were handled, yet, part of me has walked this path so many times before that it knows that sometimes, you just can't do anything to help someone who doesn't want help.
I've offered help, help in finding a place to live, getting the things she'd need to get started, to help her find a job, get on her feet. She doesn't want it. She tells me that I "owe" her. So I've asked "what I owe her" and her never ending reply is "supporting her".
I'm afraid to let her around my chilren, because, she's tried to hurt them before. My husband, God bless him, was on board with me when her daughter came to live with us. Her daughter was so far gone, we tried everything to help her, and she didn't want it, just wanted our money.
Now she has a daughter in the system, with another on the way, which will end up in the system as soon as it's born. My niece is a drug addict. Her first born was addicted at birth. I'm sure this next one is also. We've all tried to talk with her, we've all tried to extract her from this nightmare. She doesn't care. She just sets there with this stupid little grin on her face. The social worker was mortified! To say the least, he informed us that short of having her committed (as her mother has just been) there's nothing that we can do, she is 24 years old!
Part of me wants to run, as far and fast as possible, from this nightmare.
Part of me wants so very much to help them both. To not give up, to show them that someone does think they matter, that someone does care that they are in the place they are in, that someone does love them! Everytime I have tried to help them, to pull them from this place they are in, they bare the claws and attack!
Maybe it's not my help they want, maybe that's been the problem all along.
How can you help someone who is not willing to help themselves?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Visiting
My brother arrived on Sunday...
He had a stroke in June. His doctor wasn't concerned about the loss of vision, or the tingling sensations in his right arm and hand, or his inability to completely pick up his right foot. She said that those were the things he'd have to "learn to live with". She said "your able to return to work"..."you don't require physical theraphy"...more or less, she's the suck it up and deal kinda personality.
So, with assistance from my sisters, we brought him home...home to doctor's who would tell him how much damage he's body has suffered, and hopefully, doctor's who would prescribe physical theraphy or whatever else his body needs to recover.
My eye doctor was more than happy to examine him. His eyes are damaged, the stroke was pretty bad. Surgical intervention is not an option, physical theraphy and glasses are an option.
The cardiologist appointment is next Tuesday. Good news would be wonderful, physical theraphy options would be a blessing! So, now we will have to just wait and pray for the best.
At least he's got a great take on his health. He's making changes, doing things differently, learning to sacrifice bad habits for good habits. He's slowing down, enjoying things, and has decided that there are things he has always wanted to do but never took the time, now is the time.
His family will arrive next weekend, to take him home. I am going to miss him then, but for now, I will spend all the time I can with him.
He had a stroke in June. His doctor wasn't concerned about the loss of vision, or the tingling sensations in his right arm and hand, or his inability to completely pick up his right foot. She said that those were the things he'd have to "learn to live with". She said "your able to return to work"..."you don't require physical theraphy"...more or less, she's the suck it up and deal kinda personality.
So, with assistance from my sisters, we brought him home...home to doctor's who would tell him how much damage he's body has suffered, and hopefully, doctor's who would prescribe physical theraphy or whatever else his body needs to recover.
My eye doctor was more than happy to examine him. His eyes are damaged, the stroke was pretty bad. Surgical intervention is not an option, physical theraphy and glasses are an option.
The cardiologist appointment is next Tuesday. Good news would be wonderful, physical theraphy options would be a blessing! So, now we will have to just wait and pray for the best.
At least he's got a great take on his health. He's making changes, doing things differently, learning to sacrifice bad habits for good habits. He's slowing down, enjoying things, and has decided that there are things he has always wanted to do but never took the time, now is the time.
His family will arrive next weekend, to take him home. I am going to miss him then, but for now, I will spend all the time I can with him.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The First Day of School 2009-2010...
Today marks the beginning of the school year...
Today T-Man enters 7th grade...
Today, he's no longer my baby...
Where'd the time go?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
In support of Holy Crapper's Tantelizing Tuesdays, I bring you...
Going back through the pictures of a lifetime, there is still one or two which can cause the perverbial "Remember when..." train of thought.
Today, it was seeing this person's likeness on the t-shirt of a small child, who, let's face it, will never "know" his name.
For me, well, he will always be the "First Cowboy to wear a thong". Let's face it, if you set and watch a few episodes of Bonanza, you can't help but notice that Little Joe doesn't have an underwear line, ever. And if you do find one, let me know and I will retract this thought/statement.
I give you....
Michael Landon
Still, even after all these years, you've gotta admit, Little Joe Cartwright was/is the "BOMB"!
Later,
Today, it was seeing this person's likeness on the t-shirt of a small child, who, let's face it, will never "know" his name.
For me, well, he will always be the "First Cowboy to wear a thong". Let's face it, if you set and watch a few episodes of Bonanza, you can't help but notice that Little Joe doesn't have an underwear line, ever. And if you do find one, let me know and I will retract this thought/statement.
I give you....
Michael Landon
Still, even after all these years, you've gotta admit, Little Joe Cartwright was/is the "BOMB"!
Later,
Monday, July 13, 2009
It's Been Awhile...I know...just one of those things...
Sorry. I know it's been a while...things have been busy.
Well, let's see...yes, I am still NOT SMOKING! YEAH!!! Wow, it just seems surreal to me that it's been this long, without a smoke! But, alas, it's over. No more cravings, no more chewing fingernails, no more - no more. I feel great!
Now, if I could just take off the 20 (or more) pounds I put on! That's another story for another day.
Since my last update, things have just been all over the place!
My mother has become a permanent resident in the Nursing Home (aka Prison) and has been moved into a room with someone new. She opted to share a room, instead of having a private room. She likes the companionship and her new roommate is very friendly and outgoing. Mom was involved in a motor vehicle accident not long after my last posting and was very badly banged around. She has dialysis three times a week and the Nursing Home contracts out a service to transport the patients to and from the Home to the Center for their treatments. And as it goes, sometimes, things are beyond anyone's control, especially when it involves a 16 year old kid with his mom's brand new SUV and stupidity running rampant! The 16 year old driver decided he could cut infront of the transport bus, never mind that he not only CUT IN FRONT, but HE CUT SHORT, almost causing a rollover. My mom's wheelchair broke free from the locking system and overturned, throwing her across the bus and into the stairwell area. She spent the night in the local hospital under observation, and then was sent back to the Nursing Home. They were really great in taking care of all her medical needs, as well as making sure that this kid was dealt with in a fashion he will not soon forget.
My uncle has relocated to an apartment complex for the Elderly, "Assisted Living". He seems to like his new surroundings, especially all the single ladies! I don't think he's cooked a meal since he arrived on the "scene". Although, he wants to "act" like he doesn't like being there, he has been enjoying the ladies attention!
The City has started proceedings to demo the house they condemned. Of course, now they have decided, that they want ME to pay for the demolision! And like I explained to them, that's between the City and the owners, my mother and her sister in law. Until the sister in law signed over the ownership into my name, I would NOT pay anything, PERIOD.
My little brother (2 yrs my junior) had a stroke. He has a long road to recovery, but, God willing, he'll make it. He lost vision in his right eye, use of his right arm and leg, he has speach problems along with cognetive issues, so we'll just have to see what he is able to regain over time. My brother lives outside of Tampa, and that's a little to far away for me, but he's in good hands and he's improving a little everyday.
My daughter is getting things ready to leave home, on a more permanent level. She's decided to transfer to another college, this fall. When she makes this move, she'll be staying to complete her BS degree in Dental Hygiene. She has one more year at the Community College in Oxford, then transfers over to Ole Miss to complete her degree. She's already looked at an apartment, and is planning on staying and working full time during the summer there. Then she'll be able to work, while she awaits acceptance into the Dental Program at LSU. We'll see!
My son will start 7th grade this fall! Man, how time flies! This summer he has really calmed down and mellowed out! He's no longer bouncing around the house, he seems more at ease and just more "grown" up. I like that alot! It's easier to discuss things with him, because he's able to comprehend things on a new level. He's a very competitive person, and before now, we couldn't "play" a game without him getting upset. If he didn't WIN, then he was mad. Now, it's like he plays for the fun of playing, not for just winning! Growing up, man, I LIKE that!
Well, as for Drew and I...we are moving up on our wedding anniversary soon. Twenty Six years of marriage! I think we have been married longer than ANY of our friends. Truth being, most have been married and divorced at least ONCE, a few, more than that. Our kids wanted to know HOW we pulled it off! Truth is, I don't know. I don't know HOW the hell he's put up with me! And, I think he'd say the same for me. It's not been an "easy" twenty six years, but then, I don't remember thinking it was gonna be a walk in the park. It takes work, a lot of work, and it takes a lot of love and devotion, something I thought for a while there, we no longer possessed. But, we'll just take it one day at a time, if that's what it takes. Whatever it takes...
Well, let's see...yes, I am still NOT SMOKING! YEAH!!! Wow, it just seems surreal to me that it's been this long, without a smoke! But, alas, it's over. No more cravings, no more chewing fingernails, no more - no more. I feel great!
Now, if I could just take off the 20 (or more) pounds I put on! That's another story for another day.
Since my last update, things have just been all over the place!
My mother has become a permanent resident in the Nursing Home (aka Prison) and has been moved into a room with someone new. She opted to share a room, instead of having a private room. She likes the companionship and her new roommate is very friendly and outgoing. Mom was involved in a motor vehicle accident not long after my last posting and was very badly banged around. She has dialysis three times a week and the Nursing Home contracts out a service to transport the patients to and from the Home to the Center for their treatments. And as it goes, sometimes, things are beyond anyone's control, especially when it involves a 16 year old kid with his mom's brand new SUV and stupidity running rampant! The 16 year old driver decided he could cut infront of the transport bus, never mind that he not only CUT IN FRONT, but HE CUT SHORT, almost causing a rollover. My mom's wheelchair broke free from the locking system and overturned, throwing her across the bus and into the stairwell area. She spent the night in the local hospital under observation, and then was sent back to the Nursing Home. They were really great in taking care of all her medical needs, as well as making sure that this kid was dealt with in a fashion he will not soon forget.
My uncle has relocated to an apartment complex for the Elderly, "Assisted Living". He seems to like his new surroundings, especially all the single ladies! I don't think he's cooked a meal since he arrived on the "scene". Although, he wants to "act" like he doesn't like being there, he has been enjoying the ladies attention!
The City has started proceedings to demo the house they condemned. Of course, now they have decided, that they want ME to pay for the demolision! And like I explained to them, that's between the City and the owners, my mother and her sister in law. Until the sister in law signed over the ownership into my name, I would NOT pay anything, PERIOD.
My little brother (2 yrs my junior) had a stroke. He has a long road to recovery, but, God willing, he'll make it. He lost vision in his right eye, use of his right arm and leg, he has speach problems along with cognetive issues, so we'll just have to see what he is able to regain over time. My brother lives outside of Tampa, and that's a little to far away for me, but he's in good hands and he's improving a little everyday.
My daughter is getting things ready to leave home, on a more permanent level. She's decided to transfer to another college, this fall. When she makes this move, she'll be staying to complete her BS degree in Dental Hygiene. She has one more year at the Community College in Oxford, then transfers over to Ole Miss to complete her degree. She's already looked at an apartment, and is planning on staying and working full time during the summer there. Then she'll be able to work, while she awaits acceptance into the Dental Program at LSU. We'll see!
My son will start 7th grade this fall! Man, how time flies! This summer he has really calmed down and mellowed out! He's no longer bouncing around the house, he seems more at ease and just more "grown" up. I like that alot! It's easier to discuss things with him, because he's able to comprehend things on a new level. He's a very competitive person, and before now, we couldn't "play" a game without him getting upset. If he didn't WIN, then he was mad. Now, it's like he plays for the fun of playing, not for just winning! Growing up, man, I LIKE that!
Well, as for Drew and I...we are moving up on our wedding anniversary soon. Twenty Six years of marriage! I think we have been married longer than ANY of our friends. Truth being, most have been married and divorced at least ONCE, a few, more than that. Our kids wanted to know HOW we pulled it off! Truth is, I don't know. I don't know HOW the hell he's put up with me! And, I think he'd say the same for me. It's not been an "easy" twenty six years, but then, I don't remember thinking it was gonna be a walk in the park. It takes work, a lot of work, and it takes a lot of love and devotion, something I thought for a while there, we no longer possessed. But, we'll just take it one day at a time, if that's what it takes. Whatever it takes...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Several Weeks Later.....Still No Smoking!
Well, it's been several weeks now...the urge hits, A LOT! That's OK though!
I can handle it...sometimes. Other times, I have to find something, anything to get my mind off of it!
The roller-coaster...continues! At least I'm still on the ride, I haven't fallen off!
In other news...took my son camping this past week. Let me re-phrase that, my husband to our son camping this past week. I join them for a couple of days. N.I.C.E...
I think I enjoyed it WAY more than they did! Just getting away from things for a few days was a blessing!
My mom is still in the Retirement/Nursing Home. She still calls it the prison. She's starting to adjust to it, she just doesn't want me to know it.
My uncle, refuses to move from the home the City has condemned...that's another battle. One, I'm afraid, no one can win! The end result will be, that the court will appoint an "independent" liaison officer to over see his living arrangements, finances, etc. Since he never married and had a family, I think that this is in his best interest. He has developed quite a gambling problem which coincides with his drinking problem, something I can't handle, for sure!
I have "no patience" for someone who cannot grasp hold of their problems and deal with them. My short coming, I know and I recognize this for what it is and accept it. I try to make them understand that I just do not possess the capability to emphasize. They still do not comprehend! Go figure...
But, now I'm trying to look toward the future more optimistically. One day at a time....
I can handle it...sometimes. Other times, I have to find something, anything to get my mind off of it!
The roller-coaster...continues! At least I'm still on the ride, I haven't fallen off!
In other news...took my son camping this past week. Let me re-phrase that, my husband to our son camping this past week. I join them for a couple of days. N.I.C.E...
I think I enjoyed it WAY more than they did! Just getting away from things for a few days was a blessing!
My mom is still in the Retirement/Nursing Home. She still calls it the prison. She's starting to adjust to it, she just doesn't want me to know it.
My uncle, refuses to move from the home the City has condemned...that's another battle. One, I'm afraid, no one can win! The end result will be, that the court will appoint an "independent" liaison officer to over see his living arrangements, finances, etc. Since he never married and had a family, I think that this is in his best interest. He has developed quite a gambling problem which coincides with his drinking problem, something I can't handle, for sure!
I have "no patience" for someone who cannot grasp hold of their problems and deal with them. My short coming, I know and I recognize this for what it is and accept it. I try to make them understand that I just do not possess the capability to emphasize. They still do not comprehend! Go figure...
But, now I'm trying to look toward the future more optimistically. One day at a time....
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Week One...No Smoking!
Well, it's been a roller coaster of a week, let me tell you!
But, it's worth it. No smoking. After day 3, things just seemed to "chill out"!
I had really thought that I wouldn't make it. Seriously!
Now, it's been a week and I FEEL great! I can actually "taste" things. Not like before I quit smoking. Before I quit, things really kinda tasted the same, ya know?
Now, it's like, when I eat, I taste all the different spices used in the meal. The difference is un-real!
Not to mention that since I quit, I don't get up every morning coughing! I have more energy than I have had in a long, long time. And my skin doesn't look as bad as before.
And, to date, I have saved $42 bucks! Of course, my baby tells me not to think about the money, just what a difference it's made in my health, already.
Along with no smoking, I have replaced my main meals, with Lean Cuisine! Instead of chips, I bought apples, oranges, grapes and salad mixers. I've replaced sodas with Sugar Free flavored water and tea. (I still drink 1 soda a day, at lunch). I've replaced the sugar with Splenda and I use more pepper on regular foods, keeps me from eating all of it that way!
One week ago I could barely walk around the yard without loosing my breath, now, I can. I am sleeping better at night, and I don't feel so depressed. Depressed, yes, I no longer feel depressed! Amazing the side effects smoking has on someone!
Now, on to Week two!
But, it's worth it. No smoking. After day 3, things just seemed to "chill out"!
I had really thought that I wouldn't make it. Seriously!
Now, it's been a week and I FEEL great! I can actually "taste" things. Not like before I quit smoking. Before I quit, things really kinda tasted the same, ya know?
Now, it's like, when I eat, I taste all the different spices used in the meal. The difference is un-real!
Not to mention that since I quit, I don't get up every morning coughing! I have more energy than I have had in a long, long time. And my skin doesn't look as bad as before.
And, to date, I have saved $42 bucks! Of course, my baby tells me not to think about the money, just what a difference it's made in my health, already.
Along with no smoking, I have replaced my main meals, with Lean Cuisine! Instead of chips, I bought apples, oranges, grapes and salad mixers. I've replaced sodas with Sugar Free flavored water and tea. (I still drink 1 soda a day, at lunch). I've replaced the sugar with Splenda and I use more pepper on regular foods, keeps me from eating all of it that way!
One week ago I could barely walk around the yard without loosing my breath, now, I can. I am sleeping better at night, and I don't feel so depressed. Depressed, yes, I no longer feel depressed! Amazing the side effects smoking has on someone!
Now, on to Week two!
Friday, April 3, 2009
The New Me....
I quit smoking. Cold turkey. A pack a day.
State tax increases moved prices upward toward $6.00 per pack.
$6.00 per day to smoke. Who needs this crap!
So, now I put $6.00 each morning in a cookie jar on my countertop.
Within the next year, I'll be able to:
remodel my kitchen
take my children to DW for va-cay
buy new clothes
possibilities are endless....looking forward to the new me!
(instead of stuffing my face with food, whenever I feel the urge to smoke or eat, I clean something. Nothing to clean, then I make a mess and clean it!)
Time to take my life back, and get down to enjoying some things before it's gone!
Maybe dealing with my aging mother these past few months, I have finally accepted
that I am not getting younger, just older.
My mother is now in a full time care facility, some call it a nursing home, she refers to it as the prison ward.
Her roommate is her cell mate, the other patients, inmates.
Her health has declined, she requires dialysis 3 times a week, suffers congestive heart failure, what else could I do? Her live-in daughter wasn't taking care of her, feeding her, cleaning the home, etc. I love her too much to let her life end that way.
I did what needed to be done, for her. Maybe one day she will see that, I hope.
State tax increases moved prices upward toward $6.00 per pack.
$6.00 per day to smoke. Who needs this crap!
So, now I put $6.00 each morning in a cookie jar on my countertop.
Within the next year, I'll be able to:
remodel my kitchen
take my children to DW for va-cay
buy new clothes
possibilities are endless....looking forward to the new me!
(instead of stuffing my face with food, whenever I feel the urge to smoke or eat, I clean something. Nothing to clean, then I make a mess and clean it!)
Time to take my life back, and get down to enjoying some things before it's gone!
Maybe dealing with my aging mother these past few months, I have finally accepted
that I am not getting younger, just older.
My mother is now in a full time care facility, some call it a nursing home, she refers to it as the prison ward.
Her roommate is her cell mate, the other patients, inmates.
Her health has declined, she requires dialysis 3 times a week, suffers congestive heart failure, what else could I do? Her live-in daughter wasn't taking care of her, feeding her, cleaning the home, etc. I love her too much to let her life end that way.
I did what needed to be done, for her. Maybe one day she will see that, I hope.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
In keeping with Holy Crapper's Tantelizing Tuesday's...Here's Whip It Up Wednesday...
I'd like to introduce to you, one hot little number.
One I'd do in a nan-o-second...
Mark Harmon!
One I'd do in a nan-o-second...
Mark Harmon!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The meet...
Well...
We set out early that Saturday morning...the meeting time and place had been arranged.
My truck, loaded with all the "extra" christmas decorations I had "collected" over the years. Ladies, let me just say one thing....
If you haven't used it in 12 months, it's ready for disposal, for sure. Most of these things I had purchased over the years, or they had been given to me and I just didn't have the need for them, so, instead of giving it away, I had stored it...F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
We arrived at the meeting place, all but one family had shown up. This one family left word with the contact person that if I could deliver it she would greatly appreciate it because she was unable to meet with us.
So, the kids and I delivered the final load to this family of 6, mom and 5 kids under the age of 10. They were living in a 3 bedroom home with tattered furnishings. The youngest, around the age of 2, just able to speak clear sentences.
One of the boxes contained a lighted snowman. When the child laid eyes on the snowman her face lit up like she'd just seen Santa! She asked my son if he really was giving it to her.
She ended up taking him by the hand and down the small hallway to the bedroom she shared with her two sisters. Tucked in one corner of the room, was the small toddler bed she slept on and beside it a small table. My son plugged the little snowman in and showed her how to turn the little button on the cord so that it would turn on/off.
A few moments later, as we were leaving this small home the little girl stops my son at the door and hugs him and thanks him for bringing her a snowman for Christmas.
I think at that moment...my son finally understood what it's like...for a child of circumstance...
For the first few moments after we departed that home, it was "drop dead" silent in that truck.
I hope that my kids never forget that day, and that they are always looking at life in "real-time 3-D" instead of "through a tunnel".
And as my daughter and son always hear:
"Life is a road filled with many decisions, and the only person who can decide the kind of person you are to be, is you. Never make a decision without weighing all the rewards, as well as the consequences."
We set out early that Saturday morning...the meeting time and place had been arranged.
My truck, loaded with all the "extra" christmas decorations I had "collected" over the years. Ladies, let me just say one thing....
If you haven't used it in 12 months, it's ready for disposal, for sure. Most of these things I had purchased over the years, or they had been given to me and I just didn't have the need for them, so, instead of giving it away, I had stored it...F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
We arrived at the meeting place, all but one family had shown up. This one family left word with the contact person that if I could deliver it she would greatly appreciate it because she was unable to meet with us.
So, the kids and I delivered the final load to this family of 6, mom and 5 kids under the age of 10. They were living in a 3 bedroom home with tattered furnishings. The youngest, around the age of 2, just able to speak clear sentences.
One of the boxes contained a lighted snowman. When the child laid eyes on the snowman her face lit up like she'd just seen Santa! She asked my son if he really was giving it to her.
She ended up taking him by the hand and down the small hallway to the bedroom she shared with her two sisters. Tucked in one corner of the room, was the small toddler bed she slept on and beside it a small table. My son plugged the little snowman in and showed her how to turn the little button on the cord so that it would turn on/off.
A few moments later, as we were leaving this small home the little girl stops my son at the door and hugs him and thanks him for bringing her a snowman for Christmas.
I think at that moment...my son finally understood what it's like...for a child of circumstance...
For the first few moments after we departed that home, it was "drop dead" silent in that truck.
I hope that my kids never forget that day, and that they are always looking at life in "real-time 3-D" instead of "through a tunnel".
And as my daughter and son always hear:
"Life is a road filled with many decisions, and the only person who can decide the kind of person you are to be, is you. Never make a decision without weighing all the rewards, as well as the consequences."
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