Well, my brother has returned home. After two weeks of visiting, he was ready to leave! Ready to return to his own family and start the process of getting his health on track.
I think he got the answers he was looking for while he was here. At least, I hope so.
He also left, upset. Upset about how things have changed, how family can inflict pain and hurt and yet, how some things just never change.
This weekend, he went in to visit our mother before he left town. So, I asked him to take care of our older sister, the one who lived off my mother. The one who is now homeless. She'd moved into the apartment with our uncle, when my mother was placed in the nursing home. My uncle had her removed this weekend and sent to the local women's shelter. The local women's shelter turned her out during the night, said they didn't know how they could help her. She's bi-polar(my guess) and not on medication. She's a danger to herself and could possibly become a danger to others.
I've tried to get her help. She refuses help. These professionals(doctors, police,etc) tell me, that as long as she's "unwilling" to accept it, they can't do anything for her.
This weekend, she was placed in the Psychology ward because she has started to inflict wounds on herself. The people at the Womens' shelter talked with the local Police Dept and told them that they turned her out because she was "talking to people who weren't there" and making threats to harm herself and those at the home. Instead of calling the Police for assistance, they threw her in the street. Instead of alerting authorities, they turned her out onto the public.
She slept under buildings for several nights. She hadn't eaten in several days. The day she called my house, I asked my brother to pick her up, gave him money to get her a hot meal, and take her back to the Women's shelter where she asked to go. That's when we found out what had happened at the Women's shelter several nights before.
How can you help someone, who doesn't want to change their life? How do you make sense of it all? Part of me is angry about how things were handled, yet, part of me has walked this path so many times before that it knows that sometimes, you just can't do anything to help someone who doesn't want help.
I've offered help, help in finding a place to live, getting the things she'd need to get started, to help her find a job, get on her feet. She doesn't want it. She tells me that I "owe" her. So I've asked "what I owe her" and her never ending reply is "supporting her".
I'm afraid to let her around my chilren, because, she's tried to hurt them before. My husband, God bless him, was on board with me when her daughter came to live with us. Her daughter was so far gone, we tried everything to help her, and she didn't want it, just wanted our money.
Now she has a daughter in the system, with another on the way, which will end up in the system as soon as it's born. My niece is a drug addict. Her first born was addicted at birth. I'm sure this next one is also. We've all tried to talk with her, we've all tried to extract her from this nightmare. She doesn't care. She just sets there with this stupid little grin on her face. The social worker was mortified! To say the least, he informed us that short of having her committed (as her mother has just been) there's nothing that we can do, she is 24 years old!
Part of me wants to run, as far and fast as possible, from this nightmare.
Part of me wants so very much to help them both. To not give up, to show them that someone does think they matter, that someone does care that they are in the place they are in, that someone does love them! Everytime I have tried to help them, to pull them from this place they are in, they bare the claws and attack!
Maybe it's not my help they want, maybe that's been the problem all along.
How can you help someone who is not willing to help themselves?